Winds of change.

25 Aug

If there is anything I can say for certain about this past year of my life, I can say I have experienced change.  (There must be some Greek word that means “The year of change”, but I don’t know what it is), anyway, I have “endured”: 

 hubbie’s possible illness (scarey time),

 older son graduating from high school,

 my struggle with depression (awful, would rather have my toenails pulled out),

 my struggle with THE change (ladies you know exactly  what I’m saying here),

 older son leaving for college,

 younger son graduating from high school,

 younger son leaving for college,

 and today,…. we joined a new group of people for the next leg of our Christian journey (aka our Sunday School Class).

Some of the changes have come about very quickly, (Feb 2, tornado, can we call that quick change?) …some have progressed much more slowly (in some cases – still going way too slowly – see “THE” change above). 

Some have had elements of pain and others have brought joy.  One thing I can say of each of these experiences is that I was not the same afterwards as I was before.  “Not the same”.   – let me soak in that for a moment.  

               ……………………………………………

Okay, isn’t that what we want?  Don’t we want to be changed? Don’t we want to be transformed into His image?  Don’t we want to be refined, purified, molded and shaped? 

Sometimes the process is painful, other times, God gives us a shot of demerol before He goes to work on us and we only remember the joy that comes afterward.  

Sometimes change comes about as the result of much waiting, praying, hoping and remaining faithful. Sometimes, it’ just life!  Life changes can draw us closer, or push us away, depending on how we choose.  (I have to confess:  I’ve done it both ways!)

Then….one day, there will come a change that takes place in the “twinkling of an eye”.  What a day THAT will be!

So……why am I finding myself in a place of sadness with some of the changes I am experiencing.  I know God is guiding and directing.  I know (in the case of my guys) that God will protect and watch over (His eye is on my sparrows – okay Maggie, …eagles)

Still I have a sense of “leaving behind”, that I am finding sad – truthfully? bawling my eyes out -tonight.  I don’t have little boys, I have young men who are training to be leaders in our future.  I am moving (don’t like this word, but can’t come up with a better one) from friends of my heart, to open my heart to new friends. 

 I guess, when all is sifted out, I find myself facing fear – 1. being away from what I know to be reliable, comfortable – 2. having my dear ones away from my protection and guidance, and 3. fear that those I leave behind will soon forget.   

BUT…….God’s Word is that perfect love casts out fear -and that which we have entrusted to Him, He is able to keep.  I pray that I would come to that place of rest.  

Lord, I pray that my faith would find that resting place in these winds of change.  I look to you to be my strong tower, my refuge.  I trust you to be WHERE I cannot and to be WHAT I cannot. I pray that in opening my heart to those I will come to love in the future, I will not have to sacrifice those that I have come to love in the past.  I pray for your will and your direction in all, no matter what winds blow. Amen.      

4 Responses to “Winds of change.”

  1. Stacey August 25, 2008 at 12:54 am #

    I’m saying an extra prayer tonight for you. I’m so sorry that I haven’t been there like I should be.

    Do you have plans to walk tomorrow? If not, call or email. I drop Tay off at 8:30.

  2. Maggie August 25, 2008 at 2:10 am #

    Okay, that was a very honest post, and I SO identify with it.

    But, girls, you are down the hall in another Sunday School class for one hour a week, not moving to another town. You aren’t dying. You aren’t potentially moving to Iraq {ahem}. I’m just sayin’…there are worse moves.

    If you want to remain friends, find ways to be creative to keep the embers of friendship burning. Why do you guys think I blog? Stay fed by those friendships that feed you. I know I do…and they do feed me when I’m weak or needy.

    You are a great friend to anyone, anytime who needs befriending. Yes, there is change. Yes, there is loss. But, there should be no “leaving behind” feeling.

    It is a feeling of multiplication, not division. While there is sorry, there is joy for what God is doing…lets not lose sight of the victories of the year!

    I’m so proud of you and the risks you are taking to meet needs…that’s what I so love about you.

    You know, lately, I find myself just having to thank God that while I’m numb from so much pain and hardship he just goes ahead and gets a lot of the hard stuff over with at one time…it’s like giving all your kids all their immunizations in one fatal swoop, perhaps? I have to try to find perspective in that anyway!

    Hang in there. Sorry for the letter…just what was on my heart to spit out, for what it’s worth. Keep pursuing his purposes together and there will be no end to the joy and friendship, and likely, it will run deeper.

  3. Susan August 25, 2008 at 2:50 am #

    I will be praying for you CJ. I was talking with Laura P earlier today about Rance leaving for college and that they now have an ’empty nest.’ Maybe you and her need to help comfort each other. I will be praying for your new SS class as well!

  4. Theresa August 25, 2008 at 2:03 pm #

    Sometimes it’s not just one little thing that melts the heart into a pile of jello, it’s a combo of everything. You have had a rough year, don’t let anyone tell you differently and you know how you feel. Getting those feelings out are what friends are for. We’re there for you, if blogging isn’t enough, just pick up the phone and call. Love ya girlie!

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