Sounds like a lesson from elementary school, but its not. It’s where I have been today. I am hurt, wounded, pierced. In one of Beth’s video she shared a passage from Psalms where David is crying out because he has been hurt. Loosely, it says that he could endure betrayal from an enemy, wounds from an adversary, but it was YOU. The you David is referring to is his friend, a trusted one. This is the worst of all wounds.
I am sharing here in this blog because I know that in this state I am very vulnerable to the enemy. I do not want to give in to his victory. I want to keep my feet planted on the path they are set on, but truthfully I want to turn and run. I want to go away and never have to see this hurt. But, I know I can’t. I know that I have to trust Him and obey in all that He requires of me. I feel my defenses going up. I know I have to allow Him to pull them down and be willing to let HIM be God.
This is not a place I wanted to find myself, especially after such a very long winter season. I had hoped that spring had come. Not giving up, just grieving. Keeping my resolve to continue—-but also asking God if it is worth it, and what difference does it make. Did I hear your voice and if so, why has this arrow caught my heart, first thing, when the battle hasn’t even come? Can I go the distance like this, can I keep running when I feel pushed off the track?
I know all this rambling is not going to make a lot of sense, but, if you can, please know I am walking in a place of weakness right now and am tremdously crying out for your prayer covering.