Well, we did it!

20 Aug

Yesterday was probably one of the most significant days in my life to date.  First, my 50th birthdate and a lovely celebration time with precious fellow SS members.  These folks are the backbone of my walk right now and I am leaning heavily on many of them.  There were things that were sweet and there were things that were funny and I cherish both (and I really needed the comic relief).  Thanks so much to each one who made this day memorable for me.

Now for the hard part……..   Our oldest is now officially a dorm resident and new college student.  I hate the dorm (it really needs renovation), but a group of football loving guys could shack up in a garage and think it was really cool.  The first “bonding” moment with his new roomate was their conversation about the Dallas Cowboys.  Nick heard one of the guys say in the hallway: “He’s gonna be cool”.  They were having a floor meeting right after we left. 

We had some problem going up with his truck, and that added a little drama, but I think everything is okay there. 

Then there was an element of times remembered and that was exciting.  I loved being on campus, the bookstore, the stadium, etc., etc., and he seemed excited about all that too.  I did really well until we went to the dorm.  As we were unpacking, a lump came in my throat, but no tears 🙂 .  We had to make a Kroger run because he forgot this toothbrush and he wanted something quick to eat before the floor meeting.  On the way back, he ask if we got homesick when we first went to college……and he called me mama, (usually its just mom) and I could sense his voice change.  I could feel the dam begin to crumble, but I was determined NOT to let him see me cry.  We stopped the car, he said see ya later, love ya and that was it–no kiss, no hug, just seeya, love ya.  Just as well, I could not have looked at those blue eyes and not exploded.  Once he was out, the flood came.  I tried really, really hard not to be so pitiful (I really did), but I just couldn’t stop.  I cried through dinner and all the way home.  The chef at Shogun must have thought we were the worst table he had ever had.  Kid #2 even told me I needed to excuse myself and I had to leave twice.  I felt so pathetic—-I totally blew it.

Once we got home, there was such an empty feeling.  Kid #2 was the most precious thing in the world.  He was comforting and loving and so affectionate trying to help me in my pain.  This morning he even got up and got in bed with me—-and that just doesn’t happen with him.  I finally decided that this just wasn’t fair to him—-he is still with us and we love him just as much.  So. I turned on the TV and My Big Fat Greek Wedding was on—-just the medicine I needed for the moment–  thankfully a funny movie about a family with a daughter who wanted to venture out beyond the family circle. 

The scripture says a merry heart doeth good like medicine and by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.  The comedy did me good.  I finally went to sleep and Monday with all that is normal and routine has been helpful too.

Finally—-this is all I can say at this point about having your first child go off to school.  There is NO way to prepare for what you will experience emotionally—-you cannot stem the tide.  Instead, allow yourself to embrace it, experience it, and then begin to move past it.  Life is about change and growth.  Both ours and our children’s.  I wouldn’t do anything differently, even if I could.  I know my role has just undergone a HUGE change.  But God’s grace is sufficient and we can grow and change joyfully if we allow ourselves to look forward with anticipation, knowing and trusting that everything is in His very capable hands,  look back only occassionally, with no regrets, and receive the gift of today with gladness and thankfulness. 

Cj

    

       

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3 Responses to “Well, we did it!”

  1. DP August 20, 2007 at 5:05 pm #

    It’s good to hear from you! When I didn’t see something earlier, I was worried. I’ll chew on your words of wisdom but I must confess that I just had to close the door to my office because I’m crying. So touching about kid #2 – made me cry harder.
    DP

  2. Stacey August 20, 2007 at 5:21 pm #

    Oh, CJ. What a big weekend for you! I am so sorry to have missed your celebration yesterday. I’m sure it was a lot of fun!

    Just hearing you recount of yesterday brings back so many memories. I loved college. The whole campus experience was unlike any other. It really makes me miss it a little!

    I can’t wait to hear how you and your babies first week goes! Hang in there! You’re going to make it just fine. 😀

    Big {{hugs}}

  3. Kim August 20, 2007 at 11:29 pm #

    How sweet of kid #2…I have a feeling he is going to really step it up…what do you think?

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