The Pit in My Pocket

29 Mar

Y’all I haven’t even read through the first chapter yet, but I’ve already realized that I carry my deep dark pit in my pocket to conveniently pull out, throw down, and hop in on a moments notice.  What made me realize this is through this relationship with a younger man business.  I’ve been indirectly rejected and how it has made me feel, is so familiar it is scary.  Scary in that I thought I’d come so far in my recovery from my past relationship. Wrong!  But it is okay.  I’ve realized that as God is working on me and in me, he is refining me and showing me what is meant for me and what isn’t meant for me.  I mean who was I kidding, really?  Me, 33 years old  with three children mind you, and this stinker of an adorable young man who fancied me for a moment.  It did my ego good to be seen as attractive and if I could’ve only left it at that, perhaps I would have spared myself the rejection.  But it really is all good because God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.  He has shown me that this wasn’t for me except to boost my already wounded ego and show me that I am beautiful.  I had a friend tell me recently that in order to not be attached to what others think of you, you must truly love yourself and be whole within yourself.  So when you no longer have that other person loving you, you are not left with this hole.  I think this is my lesson from all of this.  I must pray that God fill me up and make me whole and teach me how to love myself and teach me how to be loved by Him.  Only then, perhaps will I be able to handle the rejection from another. 

I love you all and am so glad I finally figured out where and how to get to this blog!  It only took about a month! 

Love and Blessings



One Response to “The Pit in My Pocket”

  1. Cindy Johnson March 29, 2007 at 8:38 pm #

    Pit in a pocket– now that’s a good one!

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